Who said only Grandmas play bingo?

Wednesday night, a monstrosity called Underground Rebel Bingo came to Brighton. Students were very excited. Not only were we promised that there would be no boring people or wankers (don’t know how I got in), but an experience that is apparently better than sex, or even real life. Even more, we were offered BINGO.

Under the pretence of going to an neighbourhood watch meeting to discuss the rising crime rates in Brighton, hundreds of students, (many first years) and the liberal Brightonian descended upon a ‘top secret location.’ Shrouded in secrecy like a Fight Club, you have honestly never played bingo until you have done it to the audio background of trash metal and the sight of  Femme Ferale titillatingly rolling balls in their arresting outfits, shouting out obscenities such as “Knickers full of grime – 59”, “You’re mum’s a whore – 24” and “Man’s groovy juice on me – 30!”

There wasn’t a tin of sardines in sight (although at times it felt like we were squashed in like them), and the interval consisted less of tea and battenberg but Carling and Dubstep. The prizes were pretty impressive, so much so many a drunken student proved exactly why they failed their maths GCSE’s by failing to count above 20. But as a lovely Sussex student said to me about Brighton students; “Thats becuase you graduate with a degree in colouring.” But we are very good at it; look at our pretty faces.

And look at me after being drawn on by Doll and the Kicks!

Expect a bigger feature about this in The Pebble next month. Maybe they should do a collaboration with those geezers at Granny’s Caff?


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